Dear Life, Crying my heart out.
Some days are just harder than others.
DEAR LIFE : THE SPACES BETWEEN
Deena Maddox
7/14/20261 min read
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Dear Life,
It's me.
Today has been harder than I expected. I wish I wasn't hurting while trying to learn how to live without you. Grief is so hard sometimes. I'm afraid to keep living and not be able to tell you all of it—the good, the bad, and the ugly. I'm afraid of the future.
I am grieving the life I had with you, the life I never got to have, and the life I'm trying to build without you in it.
It's funny to say that out loud. My heart aches more than anything at this exact moment.
Right now, I'm watching a movie called Voicemails for Isabelle, and it reminds me of the messages I used to send you. I wish you could hear the music I've made. I wish you could see how much your death changed me and how it pushed me to stop waiting and truly chase this dream. I'm trying to make this career happen, and so much of that determination comes from losing you.
I have a journal I wrote in about a week before you died. Then, a year and a half later, I opened it again and wrote about how much everything had changed. Reading those pages feels like meeting two different versions of myself—one who still had you, and one who is learning how to carry your memory instead.
I miss you.
And I miss everyone else who is watching over me from wherever you are. I hope somehow you can see the girls growing up. I hope you can hear the songs. I hope you know that even on the days when grief feels unbearable, I am still trying.
I am still here.
Love,
Deena